Saturday, July 23, 2005

a Paratrooper and the Media

edited slightly for the home team

News Anchor Dan Rather and Peter Jennings, NPR Reporter Cokie Roberts and a U.S. paratrooper were hiking through the desert one day when they were captured by Iraqi insurgents. They were tied up, led to the village and brought before the leader.

The leader said, "I am familiar with your western custom of granting the condemned a last wish. Before we kill and dismember you, do you have any last requests?"

Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowl of hot, spicy chili."The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."

Peter Jennings said "I am Canadian; so I'd like to eat some pure maple syrup on a plate of pancakes one last time". The leader nodded to a terrorist who left and then shortly returned with pure maple syrup and some pancakes. Jennings sighed and declared he could now die peacefully.

Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end." The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Roberts dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy."

The leader turned and said, "And now, Mr. Yankee Pirate Paratrooper, what is your final wish?"

"Kick me in the ass," said the trooper."

"What?" asked the leader. "Will you mock us in your last hour?"

"No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the airborne soldier.

So the leader shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass. The trooper went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9mm pistol from inside his DCUs, and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his assault pack, pulled out his M4 carbine, and calmly shot the insurgents down. In a flash, they were dead or fleeing for their lives.

As the soldier was untying Rather, Jennings and Roberts, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass first?

"What!?" said the trooper, "And have you three assholes call ME the aggressor?"

This one has got to be a joke. No paratrooper I know of would be alone with 3 reporters. And then untying them at the end? Sounds fishy.


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