Monday, January 03, 2005

Feminine Humor

Got this from my father in law. I laughed. I did.

1. Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground? A. Shoot him again.

2. Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung? A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck & the noose.

3. Q. Why do little boys whine? A. Because they're practicing to be men.

4. Q How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. One - he just holds it up there & waits for the world to revolve around him, or three - one to screw in the bulb, two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

5. Q. What do you call a handcuffed man? A. Trustworthy.

6. Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath & calling your name? A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

7. Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg? A. Because not one will stop and ask directions.

8. Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating? A. To stop the snoring before it starts.

9. Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

10. Q: What is the difference between men and women? A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

11. Q: How does a man keep his youth? A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

12. Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

4 Comments:

Blogger Subsunk said...

Red,

Love em. Keep sending.

I notice one of your favorite books is Silent Victory. I hope this is the 2 volume set by Clay Blair on submarine operations in WWII. Great Stuff.

When I was a pup, it was the most quoted literature in the wardroom. My first Commanding Officer was always quoting Mush Morton: "Stay with him, Dick, until the bastard is on the bottom." And that has ruled my life.

Subsunk

9:48 PM  
Blogger redleg said...

Clay Blair is one of my favorite authors, I was hurt deeplky when he passed on. My brother was a submariner during the Cold War on the Los Angeles Class SSN710 Augusta. I like reading about subs, not being on them. Big brass ball is all I can say. We have a similar saying from an old Brigade Commander telling us some motivational comments before a night mass tactical jump to sieze an airfield. "Gentlemen, don't mess around with a slip and f&%k around in the air, just ride that bitch in...." Truer words were never uttered. A sad fate for old Mush Morton though, Bungo Suido ate a lot of good sailors.

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7:23 PM  

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