Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Words Women Use

For a laugh when one is dearly needed :)

FINE

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES

If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING

This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

GO AHEAD

This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it

LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

THAT'S OKAY

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS

A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.


7 Comments:

Blogger ALa said...

How about:
'Whatever'
Which means I am not saying anything else, you will now pay dearly in whatever way I see most fit for whatever amount of time i see fit!
LOL!

This was great --I would make the 'Five Minutes' at least 45 minutes...maybe an hour...

7:39 PM  
Blogger tescosuicide said...

Ala, whatever..... how about SILENCE!! That is the worst.

8:48 PM  
Blogger Kat said...

You also forgot..."I don't care" which is right up there with "Go ahead". she does care and if you do it you will be having another "nothing" argument.

My phrase, by the way, is "2 seconds" which means at least 10 minutes. LOL

don't forget the other, near non-verbal, which is walking around muttering or saying nothing while she bangs some pots and pans around or is THROWING the clothes into the clothes basket. You are in deep shit and had best turn off the game, shut up and come over to help fold clothes or offer to cook dinner that night.

If she says nothing, but stands there and folds clothes with you or hands you parts of the dinner for cooking without leaving the room, you will be able to kiss and make up. If she throws the clothes in the basket or bangs the pot on the stove and walks off, you are in for a cold night and had best figure out how to suck up better. LOL

How about men? "Whatever" means he knows that he's wrong and doesn't want to talk about it any more because he will just dig the hole deeper.

Or, "I'm just going over to (insert name) and help him with his car. Be back in an hour or so" Which means, don't expect him back until 11pm or later and he will be slightly tipsy and reeking of beer. If he gets in bed with you and cuddles up with his beer breath and tells you "I love you" you know that he has either been laughing about something you did with his buddy and now he feels guilty or, he and buddy stopped working on the car abou 3pm and went to the bar and he is feeling guilty.

Flowers for no reason are nice (usually occuring more at the beginning of a relationship) unless the episodes of "no reason, I just love you" are few and far between or non-existant. In which case, "flowers for no reason, I just love you" means he did something he knows you are going to be pissed about and wants to pre-empt a "nothing" argument.

"Honey, I bought you something, come out to the garage" does not mean he turned in your old raggedy car and bought you a new sedan. It usually means he bought HIM something, like a snow blower, a car buffer or a new, improved and really giant smoker that you don't need because you already have one that has been doing just fine and you know that he has just spent the little nest egg you had been saving up after bills in order for you and he to take a little mini vacation down at the shore in a romantic bed and breakfast get away without the kids.

Wow...we could write a better book about communicating between the sexes than that "Mars/Venus" characther. LOL

6:30 PM  
Blogger riceburner147 said...

How about plain spoken, honest, heartfelt communication between a loving man and a caring woman without the bs........oh, i forgot....i am divorced and delusional.

12:27 AM  
Blogger TheDevilIsInTheDetails said...

It's about that time of the year again! I found a good place to get the best snow blower for cheap... But there are times of the year that I think it would just be easier to live in Florida.

12:37 PM  
Blogger lindaweaverfamily said...

It's true, we're all a little bit lazy from time to time. And winter is coming. So you're right, as usual, it's time for snow blow to make our life just a little bit easier!

10:00 PM  
Blogger TheDevilIsInTheDetails said...

It's about that time of the year again! I found a good place to get the bolens snow blower for cheap... But there are times of the year that I think it would just be easier to live in Florida.

9:13 PM  

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